Last night, as I drove back from my parents’ house after our Easter celebration, I had a lot of time to think, as any late night drive with two young children is wont to offer. As we drove, we passed by a billboard, and it got me to thinking about a funny story (in an oh-my-goodness sort of way) a couple of friends of ours once told my wife and me. It had to with P.F. Chang’s, their son, and some unexpectedly hot noodles.
This couple told of us other their visit to said establishment one evening for a nice, quiet dinner as a family. They sat down and placed their order, selecting for their 2 year old one of his favorite noodle dishes. After the requisite wait, dinner arrived and they began eating and helping their son eat. As dinner wore on, they were struck by how reluctantly he ate. It was one of his favorite dishes, after all, and he always eats it well at other Chinese restaurants, but here he would take a bit and chew slowly, often letting out a low moan in between bites. Finally, it occurred to them that they should try his food, and, much to their surprise and dismay, the dish that their son loved so much at other restaurants was exceedingly spicy — even for an adult — at this restaurant. Their poor little boy was doing what he was told, even though it was hurting him. Of course, once they made the discovery, they got him some more appropriate food.
As I drove and reflected on that story, I couldn’t help but wonder about how we do that to our own children in other ways. In the case above, the little boy knew it was hurting him, but he was just doing what he’s told. Too often, though, we expose our children to elements that are hurting them in a far more profound ways, but they typically are enjoying themselves, so we think it (and they) are OK.
For example, I’m often appalled at what passes for children’s entertainment these days, from animated donkey’s talking his friend’s talking… pack animal, to cartoon cats announcing “Welcome to hell!” In far too many cases, parents seem all too happy to put before their children a TV show or movie thinking it’s safe and appropriate for them because, after all, it is children’s programming, right? But giving something by a certain label doesn’t necessarily make it so. Movie producers are quick to relate (and often proudly) how they will pepper their productions with humor that’s “way over a child’s head”, but will entertain the parents “forced” to take their children to movies. As I’ve learned all too quickly from my four year old, it might be over their heads, but that doesn’t mean they won’t repeat it, nor does it not affect them.
Another pet peeve of mine is the types of T-Shirts, for example, that are marketed to children. It’s not hard to walk through your favorite giant retail shop and see shirts with such gems as “Give me candy and no one gets hurt,” “Trouble is my middle name,” “This is me not caring,” or “For sale: one little sister.” It seems that many parents find them cute; I find them subversive. For the low, low price of $5.88, we are teaching our children that it’s OK to be demanding, obnoxious, indifferent, and rude and uncaring toward our siblings. The apparel available for our children seems designed to drive a wedge between our children and ourselves, and too many parents — including an alarming number of Christian parents — buy it because “it’s cute.” I find it neither cute nor harmless. By allowing them to wear such things, indeed, by paying good money for such things, we implicitly tell our children, “This is the kind of behavior I find acceptable. Act like this.” One has only to walk a mall or look down the hall of a school to see how well that’s working out for us.
There may be some quick to dismiss my complaints as gripes of unqualified curmudgeon, and those accusations aren’t too far off base, I guess. I have no degree in childhood education; I’m a geek: I make computers do, hopefully, helpful things. That being said, I do have two little boys, and I can see the effect exposure to some of those things has on them, and I can see how my youngest looks up to and mimics his older brother. You don’t need to a Masters in Early Childhood Education to see that if you feed your child hot noodles, someone is going to come up with heartburn.
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