Humor

We’re not exactly sure who first wrote this, but we thought some of you might enjoy this list circulating on the Web.

Of course, some of these are quite a bit over the top, but here we give you the top ten reasons liberals hate the holidays:

10 – Thanksgiving is mass murder for turkeys.

9 – Too many SUVs traveling to grandma’s house.

8 – College bowl games encourage competition.

7 – Millions of Christmas trees are cut down.

6 – The pilgrims thought up Thanksgiving.

5 – Christmas lights waste electricity.

4 – People are giving thanks to WHOM?

3 – Winter lull in global-warming hype.

2 – Daycare centers are closed.

1 – Christmas celebrates a birth, not an abortion.

Imagine for a moment, a la Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, you could transport founding father and patriot Patrick Henry to today’s time. Imagine further you would take him to an American airport. I’m sure he would be shocked bedazzled to see the flying contraptions (not to mention the small rectangular object people held up to their ears). He might even be delighted, hoping to go tell Benjamin Franklin of what he saw.

Yet then imagine his horror to see a TSA attendant invasively frisking a nun in public, one who refused to walk through a “magic-like” machine that showed a person without clothes. Let’s listen in to the conversation:

TSA worker: Can I see your ticket, sir? It says here you paid with cash not plastic. We may have to search you.

Patrick Henry: What do you mean, plastic? May I ask who you are?

TSA worker: I work for the Transportation Security Administration of the Federal Government?

Patrick Henry: The what?

TSA worker: Put your hands above your head and let us scan you?

Patrick Henry: I beg your pardon!

TSA worker: Security!

Patrick Henry: Ladies and gentlemen, I implore you.

TSA worker: It’s for your own safety sir [as the worker invasively frisks him]

Patrick Henry: My safety? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of this shame? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me modesty … or give me death!

This is a silly illustration is to show the depths to which we have sunk. At the price of supposed security, we are giving up far more important things. I oppose the new TSA regulations for the following reasons:

1) The new scanners are an invasion of privacy and decorum;

2) The new frisking tactics are an invasion of privacy and modesty;

3) The new system is unnecessary. The previous security system worked. Even the “Fruit of kaboom” underwear bomber’s plan did not work, as he had to go to such great lengths to circumvent the system that his bomb was not functional.

4) Last but least, the new system is too costly. Specially trained dogs could be much more effective and cost-effective.

In sum, count me with the growing group of Americans fed up with the erosion of our modesty and yes, our liberty. Yes, please forbid it Almighty God!

This morning after our church’s Men’s Prayer Breakfast, Brian asked me if I had a phone that could take a picture of the board on which the various prayer requests were written. I’m a professional geek, so of course I did! :P I took the picture and emailed it to him right there. Once he got to his desk, he emailed me, thanking me for the picture, which prompted this email exchange:

Brian: Thanks for taking a picture of this morning’s requests.
Me: Modern technology in church life saves the day! ;)
Brian: Touche! If only the early church had had iPhones and Androids to go with their intercessory prayer and apostolic evangelism and martyrdom…
Me: “Just got back from Macednai. Pual wuz right. Gentiles clean. That’ll teach me 2 doubt. LOLZ!”

Once this computer fad wanes, I’ll answer my calling as a comedian…

We’re not exactly sure who first wrote this, but we thought some of you might enjoy this list circulating on the Web.

Of course, some of these are quite a bit over the top, but here we give you the top ten reasons liberals hate the holidays:

10 – Thanksgiving is mass murder for turkeys.

9 – Too many SUVs traveling to grandma’s house.

8 – College bowl games encourage competition.

7 – Millions of Christmas trees are cut down.

6 – The pilgrims thought up Thanksgiving.

5 – Christmas lights waste electricity.

4 – People are giving thanks to WHOM?

3 – Winter lull in global-warming hype.

2 – Daycare centers are closed.

1 – Christmas celebrates a birth, not an abortion.

“We may, indeed, indulge in sport and jest, but in the same way as we enjoy sleep or other relaxations, and only when we have satisfied the claims of our earnest, serious task.”

-Cicero

“The latest rumor is that President Obama is going to have dinner on Martha’s Vineyard with Oprah Winfrey. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. The most powerful person in the free world is going to have dinner with President Obama.”

-Conan O’Brien